badassmccall:

if someone asks if youre wearing the same jeans as you wore yesterday and you are just say “have you ever heard of a washing machine” because they will think that you washed them but you are actually just assessing their knowledge of basic household appliances

(Source: cosimaniehaus223, via blueeyesbigsurprise)

pubicles:

Becoming a cold hearted bitch wasn’t really what I planned to do with my life but here I am

(via jaredpunkalecki)

ruinscape:

french weed joke:

80

(via buildcastielthenwelltalk)

highlyover-rated:

Have you ever bullshitted an assignment so hard you basically laugh after every sentence you write

(Source: pia-pium, via heycrieff)

etceteraface:

thewaywardqueen:

metaphoricalanchor:

i want to write the kind of short stories you read in english class that are on this weird level of surrealism that they still haunt you years down the road

in year 10 i wrote a story and when i got it back my teacher told me he couldnt sleep properly after reading it

please publish that story

(via blueeyesbigsurprise)


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